BRINGING UP CHILDREN
ACCORDING TO OUR ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN FAITH
(extracts from the talk)
1. At first let us teach our child by our life, our example, about the purpose of life, which is to please God, to be united to Him. Let us speak to the child about the beauty of the eternal life in
When the child is yet young, begin to train it in sympathy and consideration for others and in unselfishness. By this means it will grow up to understand that the material things of this world are not the most important things for Orthodox Christians. Your life-style and example will be the greatest influence on your child in this matter.
2. Let us guide our children towards the good recreation, how to enjoy life in the right way for their good, for their salvation. Struggle to tell them what to do, and not only what to avoid, which is easier. Our example of life is always the best teacher.
Teach your child how to chant the psalms and hymns of the Church. This will encourage it to learn to love the holy services, and to reject the foul language and immodest songs that are so widespread today in our society. Your example in this will have the greatest influence on your child.
3. Let us give our child the life of our Church, of the Holy Liturgy, which is to follow God's will, teaching him to cut his bad and selfish wills.
Encourage him to be proud of his Holy Faith, of being a child of Holy God, of being called "servant of Christ".
Discuss with him his problems, his doubts, the dangers of youth etc. Guide him to find - a spiritual father, to help him in all these.
Help him to have good friends which are of great worth for his life. Do not neglect this.
Never cease from finding occasions to train your child in spiritual matters and the love of God and others, and to bring it to the Church. When we were small, we were never asked "if' we were coming to church – or anywhere else, for that fact. The fact* that we were going to church was a foregone conclusion. Your child must learn this from the very earliest years. If you wait until your child reaches its adolescence, it will already be far too late.
Did you ever ask him his opinion or agreement to take him to the doctor, or giving him this or that necessary medicine or treatment for his health? How can we take care of his body and at the same time neglect of his soul?
4. Teach your child the meaning of the words right and wrong, sin and virtue, truth and falsehood, the Church's Faith and erroneous belief. In this manner its understanding and spiritual discretion will grow as the years go by, and it will be prepared later, even if it has to endure hate and persecution for its convictions.
Let us teach him to undertake his duties with responsibility in his life, and not blame always other people. To correct himself with repentance and humility.
Tell him that God is love. He only loves us, even when we are not good. He loves us and is pleased with our good life. He still loves us but is displeased with our bad life.
5. Give your child spiritual duties appropriate to its age and understanding, for example, in reading the lives of the saints written for its level, or in reciting some of the evening prayers together with the rest of the family, in fasting, or in helping out in church if it is old enough.
Your own life-style, your personal tastes, your words, the books you read, the music you listen to,
the things that draw your interest and attention, all these will speak louder to you child than anything else. Hallow then your child's eyes with the holy icons. Sanctify its hearing with the holy hymns, its sense
of smell with sacred incense, and its entire body and soul with the holy Mysteries.
Teach him to love praying, not a boring duty but a chance to enjoy being in contact with God, our beloved Father, Brother, and Friend.
Teach him about the holy prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me the sinner".
It is good for our children to learn praying and enjoy the prayer in the right way, from a very young age. Of course we all know how useful it is for the child if his parents pray with him and for him.
We must pray for our children at all ages. Even when the child is in its mother's womb, or a baby or a small child.
6. Aside from providing your child with plenty of Orthodox spiritual literature appropriate for its age, make sure that material of an impure or inappropriate nature is not in your home. Unfortunately, today this includes most of television programs. Remember: whatever goes in, comes out. Your example in this matter will have the greatest influence on your child.
Also let us have in mind the dangers of computers, and of the internet with their dangerous and dirty programs.
7. There is nothing worse in a family than arguments, quarrels, shouting, as well as insulting phrases between the father and the mother in front of the eyes and ears of the children.
The children's souls become spiritually injured. They always suffer and their character and psychological health is seriously hurt. Likewise they receive a bad example of married life being unwilling to take a decision for their personal future.
If your home is a refuge of spiritual sanity, and love, and peace, your child will know where to turn when it inevitably encounters the blasphemous and shocking and sordid things that fill our society.
8. Instruct you child in almsgiving and compassion towards those who are in need. And teach it also that it should help in house duties and, if it is old enough, that it should labor at various occasional jobs, so that it may learn from an early age that, as the Holy Apostle Paul tells us, one who does not labor should not eat. Idleness and affluence together have, in our society, destroyed countless young people and led them into sin and even early death. Never be ashamed to say to your child: “we can’t afford it.”
9. Teach your child by your own example, by the examples found in the Holy Scriptures and the lives of the Saints, that abstinence in food and drink and personal comforts is a noble and beautiful thing, taught to us by our Savior Himself, and by the Saints. Furthermore, as an extra bonus, aside from being good for our souls, it's also good for our environment.
The Orthodox Christians fast during all Wednesdays, Fridays and the four fasting periods of the year.
Let us train our child in obedience. In obedience the seed of faithfulness, humility and love in Christ are hidden. Obedience in Christ does not create inferiority complexes or disappointment as some believe, but on the contrary, it does lead to the freedom from passions and weaknesses, and protects the child from dark and dangerous paths of his life.
Let us inform him through the help of a good spiritual father and priest, about the spiritual, physical, psychological and sociological problems and dangers of so called "premarital relations" which are grave sins with many bad and tragic results for his life.
10. Be fair if it should ever happen that your child gets into a dispute with another child, or with teachers, or with other authorities. If your child is wrong, show it, together with your love and support, how it is wrong. It will learn something of God's justice from your example.
In any case, teach him not to demand punishment and condemnation of other people. But to help and correct his fellowman with love in Christ.
Let him learn through our example how great and beautiful it is to forgive ours debtors and love them, following the holy example of our Lord, and likewise having the right to ask forgiveness from God: "and forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..."
For if we do not forgive our fellowmen, we will not be forgiven by God.
Let us train him, mainly through our own example, not to be strict to others and lenient to ourselves, as the world far from God teaches us, but exactly the opposite: Strict to ourselves and lenient to our fellowmen.
11. As the years pass, if you persist faithfully in these matters, as you must, you will discover, much to your surprise, that you have grown spiritually also.
Saint Paul was quite serious when he said that "a woman shall be saved by childbearing"- and we know and understand that, especially in a society such as ours, both parents are essential for the proper kind of Orthodox Christian spiritual nurturing that is needed.
Our children will face many problems and struggles. They will be tempted. However, we must not despair. God loves them more than us. He is the One who can save them.
- Have you given your children all the guidance we have said?
Don't be afraid. Even they face difficulties, for the time being, they will return sooner or later.
- Have you not given your children all the guidance we have said before?
Their lives are in danger then. Now pray to God saying:
"Forgive me, my Lord, that I haven't done my duty, as a good father (or mother), and I failed. However forget my failure, bless, protect and guide my child, so that he may not be lost because of me, but save him by your Grace".
Such a humble prayer in deep repentance will become a shield and protection for your child despite the lack of spiritual guidance in his past.
12. Prepare yourself for a life of spiritual struggles and prayers. You and your children will need them and the grace of God, for we are not living in the world as God originally created it. We are living in an occupied territory, a land occupied by the enemy, the devil.
But Christ will give you, the parents, the taste of many joys and blessing during these your efforts.
It is a great honor to be a father or mother, with the only Father of all people! It is indeed a great Grace and a blessing. But at the same time a tremendous responsibility!
Our children are icons of God.
We must look at them with respect for their origin (that is God) and their call (to inherit the
We must bring them up with real love and freedom in Christ and not as dictators.
Children are not ours, they are God's.
They come to this world out of His love (according to His wise will) for themselves, not as gifts for
us.
Children are not:
· Our property.
· Our things, elements which to fill our empty life with.
· Our toys which to play games with, for our free time.
· Our achievements for showing off to our fellowmen.
· Our objects so that we may be proud of or ashamed and disappointed with their worldly success or failures.
· Our investments for a good pension for the future and simply a consolation for the difficulties in life.
They are mainly immortal souls, persons, created by God Himself for the feast of Heaven. If we take care only of their physical health, of their financial and family settlement, of their education and worldly success, and not of their spiritual health, of their souls, we failed! And we will be called to account one day in front of God.
On the contrary, if we struggle mainly for the salvation of their immortal souls, without neglecting of course their other needs, then our humble prayers will be heard by our Lord, and our children, together with us will fulfill the purpose of life. They will live a God-pleasing life, following His holy Commandments, loving Him and our fellowmen, enjoying this life and having the expectation of deliverance in our true and everlasting Country, the
Hieromonk Philotheos
of the Holy Monastery of St Gregorios , Mt Athos